Here we are, smack dab in the middle of hockey season already (hence the delay in getting this post up). It’s back to 5:30 wake ups on Sunday mornings and rushing from one ice time to another with barely enough time for a coffee in between. I think I might have some mental health issues because I kind of like this time of year.
K3 is playing in her first season ever, and that’s a unique kind of challenge. Have you ever tried to teach cranky 3-5 year olds how to stand up on skates? All goes well until they fall or have zero interest in what you’re saying, and then it all falls apart very quickly. K3 is a sensitive child as it is, so sometimes she’s the ringleader of the disinterested crew. Without having any teaching experience, this must feel like anything from preschool to high school. You do your song and dance and do your best to keep them entertained while you’re trying to get something through to them. If all goes well, you don’t have any tantrums on the ice or kids crying for mommy. (That must be exactly like high school). To be honest, I think this level of coaching is the hardest, but it’s also the most rewarding in a way. It’s a lot easier, as a coach, to go out there and play with the kids without the pressure of winning a game or making sure that the system is working.
It’s been a mixture of practice, and off ice training, and trying everything possible to make K1’s team into a contender. We’re not quite there yet. Ok, to be honest, we’re a ways away from that at this point, and we definitely have our work cut out for us. As I’m only assisting on K1’s team this season, I’m limited in what I can actually control, but believe me, I’m trying. Our last game, like our first three games, was a bit of a blowout, an 8-0 loss to a team that didn’t look that much better on paper, but looked that much better on the ice. Whenever that happens, you get a mixture of reactions from the parents after the game. You get some that are instant hockey analysts, talking about shift lengths and defensive zone breakouts. You get some that have only been watching their child, and know that they had 3.6 seconds less ice time in the second period than some other player did. You have some that call it like it is, they tried and there’s a lot of work to do, but then you have this group: The group that doesn’t necessarily help the situation. The group that no matter what, no matter how badly things may have gone, no matter how badly their player or their team played, say “Good job! You did great out there!”.
Here’s a disclaimer: I’m all about positive reinforcement. I’m all about letting the team know about the good things they do when they do them. Whether it’s during their shift, at intermission or in the locker room, I believe that the good things should be focused on even more than the bad, especially in minor hockey. If you’ve ever been to a game that I’ve coached, you would have heard me from the bench at every opportunity. Sometimes it’s as simple as a good pass or a smart play, even in a losing effort, there will always be good things to focus on after all is said and done. I know I’m loud, but I also know that the kids can hear me. The problem with the parents that ONLY focus on the good, or that are completely oblivious to anything else that happened out there, you’re giving your children a disadvantage. Your misplaced positivity is almost compounding the problem in having that child believe that they did no wrong. It’s hard to coach a child that believes that they are doing a perfect job out there on every shift. It’s hard to coach a child if they have no desire to be instructed or learn a better way to do something. As we only get that child for 3, maybe 4 hours a week, and you get them the other 160+ hours, your word holds a lot more weight than the coach’s. You can instantly point out a child that’s being “coached” at home or being given some additional instruction outside of the locker room. That’s usually the one that the coach has to remind about their positioning or the team system on more than one occasion during a game.
I’m all for talking about the game with your children, that shows that you have an interest in them, but if everything you have to say about every single game is “Good job! You did great out there!”, were you really paying attention? If we lose 26-2 and all you can say is “Good game!”, what game were you watching? If I get the same feedback from my best game and my worst game, how can I improve? How can I know what areas need work or what I need to practice a little more? No one likes losing. It’s hard to come out of a locker room after losing by 3 touchdowns and a fieldgoal, and feel good about what happened, especially in hockey. That’s not the time to point out what happened, because we all know it, but be honest. Find the bright spots and point them out, but don’t avoid the areas for improvement. I’m not saying that we need to rag on the poor kids, but just be real. Be honest with them – they need it.
Another disclaimer: I don’t believe we should be using the word “wrong” in any of those discussions either. The only time that should come up is if they’re going the “wrong way”. As in going in to shoot on their own goalie because they’re weren’t paying the best attention, and believe me, it happens. I like to phrase it as “What could we have done differently?” or “What can we do better or improve upon?”. There’s always something that we can do better. There’s always opportunity for improvement at this level or any level of hockey. That’s why the pros still practice. That’s why only one team can win Minor Hockey Week or the Stanley Cup.
We need to find that balance. You should know your kids better than anyone else in this world. Some kids need to hear it straight, to a point. “Whew! You guys stunk!” might not be the right approach, but saying “that wasn’t your best game” might make a little more sense. Some kids need to hear the positive before they hear any negative. Some kids might need to point out their own areas for improvement or say what they’re most proud of for that game. Whatever it is, it can’t all be candy coated. It can’t only be that they were the best one out there and the refs ruined the game. It can’t always be that it’s the rest of the team that didn’t do their job. Be honest with them. Teach them to take constructive criticism without always being offended. Teach them that it’s ok to have things to work on, and that we’re not entitled to everything, you have to earn it. Let them respect you for being honest with them and instill in them the skills they need for life, not just sports. Know your kids, push them, but know their abilities. If they want to try something, make sure they give it their all, and support them with everything that you can.
Tell them what they need to hear. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular, but they need to hear it. Be real with them, and teach them to be real with you.
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